I got converted.

Being tall brings some problems along with it. In any American shopping mall, random people come up to me and ask "Gosh, you're tall. Do you play basketball?". I wonder what they'd react like if I asked: "Jee, you're fat. Do you do sumo?".

Today I was trying to get out of a coach with my head awkwardly bent to the front at the border between Singapore and Malaysia when an annoying 5 year old Chinese kid spoke up to his father: "Dad, can you see the big jew in front of me"? He asked the same question three times and I made sure the kid didn't say "dude". He actually said "jew".

Now I have always had a feeling that my soul was stuck in a jewish body at some point a few years ago. I have even considered converting, since christianity has always bored the shit out of me and I have been looking to peer up with a more interesting (and more intellectual) sort of people. But since I don't believe in anything, not even myself, I let the matter drop.

Until today, when I was made a jew by an obnoxious little devil. Was it because of my beard? Maybe my wife's wig was the reason? Nope. There I was, all tall, blond, wifesless. It must have been my bent head. The kid must have thought I the midst of some sort of prayer.

I like the idea of being jewish all of a sudden. I can wear a hat, save 15 minutes in the bathroom every morning. And I don't have to shave anymore. I'll still eat pork though, but let the rabbi not catch me. So if you'll excuse me, I'll have to go out and get a drink at the local Bar Mitzwa. Oh, and I mustn't forget to have the end of my cock cut off. Better make a note of that.