The Blue Burp Group.

My temporary home in Bali happens to be located a good 30 minutes drive away from the hustle and bustle of Kuta, in the middle of the rice fields. This makes it mildly convenient for me, as when I go out I always have to find one of those rare taxis that don’t bullshit you. They are called “Blue Bird Group”, the only company that actually lets you complain about their drivers.

The one I got last night was actually going the right way, which is always a good start – Indonesians seem to be ashamed if they don’t know the way and thus usually just drive around hoping for some divine signs. What I found a little bit disturbing was the fact that the guy was constantly burping. No ten seconds passed without some noise from the driver's intestines. I wondered if he was synchronized with the engine. Or if he’d just eaten too much garlic.

At some point he abruptly stopped the car in the middle of a rice field. Great, I thought, he’s probably gonna rob me or rape me. But he told me to stay there while he got out of his seat. There he stood next to the rice, opened his fly and started pissing. Back in the car he gave very strong signs of relief. I mentioned the Malay word for toilet I had learnt and he chuckled. Plus I announced that what he did was probably good for the growth of the crop which to my own surprise caused massive laughter on his behalf.

And – the burping had stopped. I cannot imagine how but somehow his stomach must have been directly connected to his bladder. At that point I started burping myself and became suddenly aware, that the pressure on my own bladder was getting rather intense. Damn. Still about 15 minutes to go. And the holes in the road didn’t make soothe my pain.

But I didn’t need to worry too much about this as another problem started to occupy my mind: How am I going to pay him without getting any change back – change that he had touched with his pee fingers. To cut a long way home short: Thanks to his pissing the guy ended up with a huge tip.